Ever After High Celebrity Jeopardy!
by UltimateWarriorFan4Ever
Summary: What happens when your favorite characters and schoolmates from Ever After High test their smarts on Celebrity Jeopardy? Apparently, it's not what you've imagined! It's nothing but laughter, pain, and not to mention... Sean Connery? A parody based on the Saturday Night Live Celebrity Jeopardy skits. Chapter 4: Sparrow Hood, Blondie Lockes and Sean Connery. In progress.
1. Ch 1: Daring, Apple and Sean Connery

**"Ever After High Celebrity Jeopardy!"  
**

 **Rated T for language**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or Ever After High. Ever After High is owned by Mattel and the respective co-authors of the EAH books, Shannon Hale or Suzanne Selfors. Anyway, after watching some Celebrity Jeopardy sketches on YouTube, I thought it would be hilarious to do an Ever After High edition of SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy! And yes, if you're asking, I will do all Ever After High characters two at a time, along with Alex Trebek's sworn enemy, Sean Connery! Anyway, here we go!  
**

 **P.S.: Some of the characters may end up a little OOC than usual, but hey, what can you expect from one of the greatest skits of Saturday Night Live and two of the greatest characters of the show. Now be forewarned that some of the characters in my fic are well... not that bright. If you all haven't seen the awesome SNL Celebrity Jeopardy skits, I recommend you check them out on either YouTube or Dailymotion. It will make you lose your crap all over. Either way, here we go!**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Daring Charming, Apple White and Sean Connery  
**

As the Celebrity Jeopardy song played around the studio, the camera came on to see Daring Charming, Apple White and a certain white bearded scot standing next to their podium while Alex Trebek, who still looked depressed as shit, spoke with such grim passion.

"And welcome back to Ever After High Celebrity Jeopardy." sighed Trebek, "Before we begin Double Jeopardy, I would like to remind our contestants competing today to not shout any death threats towards me. We already had Sparrow Hood doing that once before, we don't need another incident happening like this again. With that said, let's take a look at the scores. Daring Charming is in 1st place with $1."

The camera ended up shifting over to Daring Charming, who started looking at his mirror like always.

"Boy, I look even sexy in this mirror!" Daring smirked like the narcissist he was. "Even my shiny teeth looks sexy as hell."

"Well, that's unhealthy," Trebek groaned once more. "Apple White is in 2nd place with negative -2,000."

After Daring, the camera then shifted over to Apple White, who was looking dainty and cute as ever.

"When I win this money, I'm using all the winnings to create an Apple-shaped pool!" Apple exclaimed, "Oh, and Rosabella can suck it! Daring is mine! ALLLLLLLLLL MIIIIIIINE!"

And then, just to creep Trebek out, Apple White started doing this evil loud laugh which sounded like: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"How strange of you to say that, Miss White," Trebek sighed once more before heading to the last contestant, "And finally, in last place with negative -1,000,000, and God help him... Sean Connery."

The camera then scrolled over to Sean Connery, who was smirking right at Alex Trebek's expense.

"We meet yet again, my white-moustached trash boat." Connery smirked.

"Let's make this fast and get it over with." Trebek sighed.

"That's not what your mother said last night!" Connery exclaimed. "I oughtta know since she loves it nice and slow, Trebek!"

Somehow, Sean Connery ended up laughing right at the host's face, which just annoyed and irritated the host right to the core.

"Way too soon, Connery." Trebek groaned, right before he went to the categories. "Anyway, let's just get to Double Jeopardy. The categories are **_Potent Potables, Famous Princes Named Harry, Fruits Named 'Apple'_** \- of course, I'll give you a hint: Every answer on that category is 'Apple'. Moving on, **_Bite Your Nails, Kiss Your Own Ass, Presidents Named Trump,_** and finally, _**How Old Are You?**_ Mr. Charming, since you're in the lead, you choose first."

Unfortunately for Alex, Daring wasn't even paying attention to Alex. Instead, he was just too focused on his mirror to even care.

"Mmmm, I would soooooo sleep with me if I had the chance..." Daring smirked sexily.

"Okay, maybe that was a mistake." Trebek groaned. "Miss White, since you're still in first place, why don't you choose?"

"I'll take **_Fruits Named Me_** for $1,000,000, Alex." Apple smirked.

" _ **Fruits Named 'Apple'**_ for $600." Trebek said, correcting Apple right before he showed an apple to the contestants. "What is this fruit?"

 _*BUZZZZZZZZZ!*_

"Mr. Connery?" Trebek asked.

"Alex Trebek." Connery smirked.

"Wrong, Mr. Connery, I'm not a fruit." Trebek told Connery. "Anyone else?"

 _*BUZZZZZZZZZ!*_

"Miss White, you have an answer?" asked Trebek.

"I know what it is!" Apple exclaimed.

"Well, tell me then." replied Trebek.

"What is Alex Trebek?" Apple answered idiotically.

"Not even close," Trebek groaned. "Anybody else?"

After he was finally done looking at himself in the mirror, Daring Charming put down his object and pressed the buzzer.

 _*BUZZZZZZZZZ!*_

"Thank goodness," Trebek sighed in relief. "Mr. Charming, what is this fruit?"

"What is Alex Trebek?" Daring answered.

The host was somehow stunned at this ounce of stupidity that both Daring, Apple and Connery had. They couldn't believe that they mistook Trebek as an actual fruit.

"Are you f**king kidding me, now?!" Trebek groaned loudly, "For f**ks sake, the answer was an apple!"

"Are you sure about that, Trebek?" Connery smirked again, "Your moustache looks ripe enough to be one!"

"Are we really gonna start this again, Mr. Connery?" The host rolled his eyes once more.

"Of course, we all know your mother's got the ripest apple I've ever seen!" Connery laughed. "You know how much I like to pluck her from behind!"

Trebek suddenly found himself disgusted by Connery once again, laughing to yet another Trebek's Mom joke.

"I hate you so much, Mr. Connery. Why don't you choose a category already?" asked Trebek.

"Gladly," smirked Connery, "I'll take _**Famous Pricks Named Harry**_ for $600."

Somehow, Trebek found himself looking at the category board, and realized he saw the words 'Pricks' taped over the word "Princes". It was tight white tape at best as Trebek once again replied with yet another moan.

"I can't believe this, Mr. Connery. Where did you even bring the tape in?!" asked Trebek.

"I ate it and puked it out so you wouldn't know, my dear Schlub!" Connery smirked evilly.

"Oh, god..." Trebek said, trying to hold his bile. "You know what, why don't I choose? How about _**How Old Are You**_ for $600-"

Before he could even move on to the clue...

 _*BZZT!*_

Daring had buzzed in.

"Yes, Mr. Charming?" Trebek asked.

"I know the answer!" Daring exclaimed.

"I haven't really asked the clue yet, but if you're willing to know right away, go ahead." Trebek nodded.

"You're seven years old." Daring said, pointing to the host.

Trebek somehow was shocked in disbelief.

"No, Daring. Once again, I'm not the clue." Trebek reminded him.

Before he could ever get a chance to explain...

 _*BZZT!*_

Apple had buzzed in.

"What do you want, Miss White?" asked Trebek.

"You're six years old!" answered Apple.

"And you're possibly retarded." Trebek groaned. "Please let me finish this clue: Just exactly how old-"

 _*BZZT!*_

"Mr. Connery, what is it, now?!" Trebek groaned heavily.

"I had sex with your mother last night." smirked Connery.

Apparently, that last comment about his mother forced Alex Trebek to rip out his answer cards right away out of total disgust.

"You know what, forget this." groaned Trebek. "I would have told you how old were you contestants, but since you decided to act like crap-brained idiots, we're moving right to Final Jeopardy. And your Final Jeopardy category is: "Your Best Friend". Just write the name of your best friend, and you will win."

After Trebek was finished with his speech, the "Final Jeopardy" theme song played along, forcing Daring, Apple and Connery to write on their podiums while the music played.

"Remember, all you have to write down the name of your best friend," Trebek told them. "It can be Hunter, or Raven, or Ashlynn or even Cerise. As long as it has your best friend's name, you'll win."

As the song came to an end, Trebek went to Daring's podium, obviously to check up on the answers.

"Well, let's see what masterpieces you came up with," sighed Trebek. "Let's start with Mr. Daring Charming, and he wrote down..."

 _ **Daring's answer: A picture of Daring Charming's face**_

"A picture of what seems to be Daring Charming's face..." said Trebek, who was at a loss for words.

"What can I say, I'm quite an artist." Daring said, smirking on behalf of the host.

"A very bad one I might add," Trebek sighed again, "And your wager is..."

 _ **Daring's wager: I'm fabulous, bitch!**_

"I'm fabulous, bitch." Trebek said, reading the answer carefully.

"GUILLLLLL-TYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Daring said in a metrosexual sing-songy way.

Apparently, Trebek possibly didn't know what to make of Daring Charming in that weird effiminate manner.

"I advise some counseling for you, Mr. Charming," Trebek said before going to Apple's podium, "Okay, Apple White, I've see that you're giddy about this. Lets see what you wrote down..."

 _ **Apple's answer: Rosabella Beauty**_

"Apparently, you wrote down one of your classmates, Rosabella Beauty." said Trebek.

"Yeah, I gotta admit that I've been a little harsh on her just for stealing my supposed prince, but what's done is done, and I'm pretty much happy for her." Apple said, faking what seemed to be a smile on the outside.

"Wow, I'm really surprised you're taking this very well." Trebek smiled.

"Well, always learn to forgive and forget." Apple nodded with a smirk.

"I agree," nodded the host, "Now let's see what you wagered..."

 _ **Apple's wager: Can suck it**_

"Can suck it..." Trebek read in disbelief.

With the host caught in speechless disarray, Apple took the time to talk to the camera in uncharacteristic action.

"That's right, Trebek!" nodded Apple. "Rosabella thinks he can just steal my man just like that? Uh-Uhh! Rosabella, if you watching this, I want you to know that Daring is MY man! So if you know what's good for ya, then you better step off bitch before I'll bend you over unexpectedly and kick your tail old as time! Boooooosh!"

Just to end her little rant, Apple ended up throwing a gang sign to the camera, resulting in cheers from the audience. Daring saw this and was turned on right away by Apple's new street-like manner.

"Apple, that was amazing..." Daring said, feeling a lost for words.

"Thanks." Apple winked in return.

"Wanna do it under the podium?" smirked the blonde-haired prince.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Apple nodded as she tackled Daring down to the floor.

From down there, resulted in a very hot and heavy make-out session between both Daring and Apple, whose kiss was being intoxicated all around by Daring's lips. Knowing that Trebek was creeped out a little bit by this scene, he decided to ignore the two lovebirds and approach Sean Connery right away.

"Well, I think I might have lost my appetite," Alex replied. "Over to you, Mr. Connery. You wrote down..."

 _ **Connery's answer: Trebek**_

Seeing this answer, Trebek's jaw hit the floor, looking stunned as ever to see Connery in this sudden change of light.

"You just happened to write down me," Trebek replied. "I'm stunned beyond belief."

"Well, lad... you deserve it for having me as a guest on your show throughout these years." Connery said, patting the host on the shoulder. "Sure, I may make fun of you and that spermy little moustache on your face, but I only do that because I love ya to death, Trebek. I really do, you know."

"Wow, I never expected to hear you say that, Sean. That really means that much to me." Trebek replied, surprisingly pleased at his rival's change of heart.

"Yeah, I try." Connery shrugged in appreciation.

"Well, you exceeded well, Sean." Trebek nodded. "Now let's see what you wagered..."

 **Connery's wager: Is an assface**

"Is an assface..." Trebek said, going from cheerful to disbelief in record time.

As he was once again speechless, Connery decided to laugh at his face like the scoundrel Scot that he was.

"What the hell was I thinking?" muttered the host.

"Hey, at least you got the butt-hair fuzz down, Trebek!" Connery smirked. "It's the same as your moustache!"

"You disgust me, Mr. Connery." Trebek growled to Connery before facing the camera. "Well, that's all for Celebrity Jeopardy. If anyone needs me, I'll be sticking my head in the oven. Good night."

And with that, Trebek left the Jeopardy set feeling humiliated and defeated like always, while at the same time ignoring the private time between one Mr. Daring Charming and one Mrs. Apple White.

* * *

 **Well, wasn't that fun?**

 **I'm certain this won't be the last time we heard of Sean Connery or Alex Trebek, so expect them to show up in every chapter I can think of. Also, I can't imagine Apple talking all street and flat out name call, but like I said, expect some weirdness out of your favorite characters. Who will be next two to go alongside Connery? Next chapter will be interesting, so expect it soon! Feedbacks are appreciated and welcomed! Until next time, BUCK FUTTER!**


	2. Ch 2: Dexter, Raven and Sean Connery

**"Ever After High Celebrity Jeopardy!"  
**

 **Rated T for language**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or Ever After High. Ever After High is owned by Mattel and the respective co-authors of the EAH books, Shannon Hale or Suzanne Selfors. Anyway, after watching some Celebrity Jeopardy sketches on YouTube, I thought it would be hilarious to do an Ever After High edition of SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy! And yes, if you're asking, I will do all Ever After High characters two at a time, along with Alex Trebek's sworn enemy, Sean Connery! Anyway, here we go!  
**

 **P.S.: Some of the characters may end up a little OOC than usual, but hey, what can you expect from one of the greatest skits of Saturday Night Live and two of the greatest characters of the show. Now be forewarned that some of the characters in my fic are well... not that bright. If you all haven't seen the awesome SNL Celebrity Jeopardy skits, I recommend you check them out on either YouTube or Dailymotion. It will make you lose your crap all over. Either way, here we go!**

* * *

 **Chapter 2: Dexter Charming, Raven Queen and Sean Connery  
**

The Celebrity Jeopardy theme track continued to play throughout the whole entire studio as the camera came on to see Dexter Charming, Raven Queen and one very certain bearded Scot sitting in their respective podiums. Standing meters away from them was the host, Alex Trebek, who once again still looked depressed.

"Aaaaand welcome back to Ever After High Celebrity Jeopardy," Trebek groaned again, "I should be out looking for another job, but thanks to the greedy producers, I'm now stuck hosting this hellhole until the day I die. That said, let's take a look at the score. At 1st place with just 25 cents is Dexter Charming."

The camera soon shifted over to Dexter Charming, who started adjusting his glasses.

"I'll take a lifeline, Regis!" Dexter exclaimed while grinning.

"Dexter, this isn't _Who Wants To Be A Millionaire_." corrected Trebek.

"Then I like to phone in a friend!" Dexter pointed out.

"Hard to believe you have a quarter there," Trebek groaned once more. "In second place with only negative -25,000, is Raven Queen."

After Dexter, the camera then shifted over to Raven Queen, who started building up purple aura from her hands.

"This hands ain't just for magic, Trebek. It's makes an excellent hand warmer too!" Raven said to him.

"I never quite knew that, Mrs. Queen." Trebek said before groaning at the next person who was standing alongside Raven, "And finally... in last place with only -1,000,000... Sean Connery."

The camera then finally shifted over to a smirking Sean Connery, who had quite an urge to trash on his main arch rival.

"Ah, top of the morning, you sploogy bastard." Connery smirked.

"That's it?" Trebek shrugged. "No snappy comeback? You ain't gonna make fun of my mother?"

"Oh, Trebek... I've just decided to give you a little break for once," Connery shook his head in response, "After all, you deserve a little rest."

"Well, I'm kinda surprised you're actually tolerable for once." Trebek nodded.

"Yeah, after all, your mother wanted some after I was done with her last night!" Connery smirked with a maniacal laugh around his face.

Trebek couldn't help but be fooled by that supposed lie that Connery had given him.

"Why in the hell did I even fall for that?" sighed the host, "Anyway, let's just move on to Double Jeopardy. Let's take a look at the categories. They are, _**Potent Potables, Look At Your Hand, Princesses That Rhyme With 'Delle', Whole Foods, Famous Baseball Teams Named Mets**_ , and finally _**Nachos**_ \- you choose this one and you automatically get nachos. Unfortunately, Dexter Charming, you're in the lead so you start."

"I'll take a Physical Challenge, Marc!" Dexter exclaimed.

"This isn't _Double Dare_ , Dexter." groaned Trebek, "Raven Queen, it's your turn to choose."

"I'll take $2,000." Raven said, pointing to the board.

"Okay, on what category?" Trebek asked her.

"You mean, I have to choose?" Raven gasped.

"Yeah, that's the rules of the game." the host nodded, "I've told you since the beginning of the show, Raven."

"You suck, Trebek." Raven said, scowling at the host for no reason.

"I know," Trebek nodded again, "Mr. Connery, why don't you choose a category?"

"I'll take _Whore Foods_ for $600." smirked Connery.

"Mr. Connery, it's pronounced 'Whole' Foods, not 'Whore' Foods!" Trebek snapped at him with a single groan. "Anyway, Whole Foods for $600."

Before the host could get to the answer, a picture of a pita bread popped up on the panel, forcing the contestants to look exactly close up.

"The answer is: This is a picture of a pita bread." Trebek replied, "If any of you say Pita Bread, you get points."

 _ ***BZZZT!***_

"Dexter Charming."

"Give me an R!" Dexter exclaimed.

"For goodness sake, Dexter, this is _Jeopardy_ , not _Wheel of Fortune_!" Trebek corrected him.

 _ ***BZZZT!***_

"Raven Queen." said Trebek.

Raven didn't answer in the form of a question. Instead, all Raven did was flip off Trebek for the hell of it.

"Raven, I don't think flipping me off counts as a whole food." groaned the host.

"If only you gave me the $2,000 in the first place, then this wouldn't have happened to you." Raven scowled at Alex.

"You have to answer in the form of a question correctly in order to get the money." Trebek told her.

 _ ***BZZZT!***_

"Mr. Connery?"

"Your mother." Connery smirked.

"It's frickin' folded pita bread, Mr. Connery!" Trebek whined, correcting his rival. "Why do you think that's my mother?"

"Oh, come on, your mother knows I love to fill my meat inside her Pita!" Connery smirked before laughing boisterously at the host.

Trebek, on the other hand, didn't find any kind of Connery's humor amusing whatsoever.

"You make me sick, Mr. Connery." muttered Trebek, "Dexter Charming, it's now your turn to choose a category."

"I'll take 50/50, Trebek!" exclaimed Dexter.

"For the last time, it's not _Millionaire_!" cried out Trebek before sighing, "You know what, that was a mistake. Let's try _**Famous Baseball Teams Named Mets**_ for $600."

After he was done finishing the question, a picture of the New York Mets mascot popped up from the $600 panel.

"The question is: New York is the city that is home to the Mets." Trebek told the contestants.

 _ ***BZZZT!***_

"Raven Queen."

"I want $2,000." Raven warned him.

"Wrong," Trebek muttered, "And please answer in the form of a question."

"Fine, what is: 'I want $2,000'?" Raven groaned with her teeth gritting.

"That's better, and no that's still wrong." The host told her.

 _ ***BZZZT!***_

"Dexter Charming?"

"I like to solve the puzzle, Pat!" Dexter shouted.

Hearing this coming from the dorky Charming brother himself, Trebek had no choice but to hit his own head on the host's podium in frustration and shame. Mr. Connery, being the snarky Scot that he was, decided to check up on him far away.

"What's wrong, Alex? Did you get your period yet?" Sean smirked.

After gathering himself for a few seconds of crying, Alex got rid of the sniffles right away and continued his duties.

"Oh god, kill me now..." Trebek rolled his eyes before continuing, "You know what? Let's just forget about this and go right to Final Jeopardy. There is no category, all you have to do is tell me is what you want to be when you grow up. Write your answers starting now."

Getting the signal, both Dexter, Raven and Connery started writing down their answers while the Final Jeopardy theme started playing in the background.

"Remember the question clearly, everyone." The host informed them, "If you want to be the next Prince Charming, then draw Prince Charming. If you want to be the next Evil Queen, than draw Evil Queen. As long as it's a job, you will win."

After the theme ended, the three put down their pens as Trebek approached them one by one, starting with Dexter.

"Okay, let's see what kind of masterpieces our contestants come up with," Trebek cleared his throat, "Let's start with Dexter-"

"I'll take Potent Potables for $600!" Dexter shouted, cutting him off.

"Dexter, the game is over." The host told him, "Anyway, let's see what you wrote..."

 _ **Dexter's answer: I forgot**_

"You forgot." Trebek read the clue carefully, "You forgot what you wanted to be and you got it wrong. I'm really surprised."

"Yep, I got dropped on my head! Pretty amazing, huh?" smirked the nerd.

"I didn't know that," Trebek shrugged, "And your wager is...?"

 _ **Dexter's wager: 25 cents.**_

"And you wagered the last you had of your cash, a quarter." Trebek muttered, "You are now broke."

"Can I have some Nachos?" Dexter asked.

After facepalming his own face out of stupidity, Alex had no choice but to give in to Dexter's demands.

"Fine, have all the nachos you want." groaned Trebek.

"Sweet!" Dexter happily shouted as the producers came in and gave Dexter the hot cheesy nachos with salsa.

"After you're done, don't come near my studio again." Trebek sighed before he approached Raven, "Raven Queen, you look pretty confident of your answer."

"Yeah, I think I got myself a winner." Raven nodded while smirking.

"Well, let's see. You wrote down...

 _ **Raven's answer: A picture of the entire middle finger**_

"You wrote a picture of yourself giving me the bird," Trebek muttered, "Also wrong."

"Hahahahahahaha, BURN!" Raven laughed while pointing at the host in taunting fashion.

Safe to say, Trebek wasn't pleased at the attitude that Raven was giving him.

"I hope you get fixed, Miss Queen." Trebek advised her sternly, "You know, let's forget about your wager and let's go to Mr. Connery."

"Hmmmmm, some type of children you chose for this show," Connery smirked.

"Tell me about it," Trebek rolled his eyes. "Anyway, let's see what you wrote..."

 _ **Connery's answer: You**_

When Alex saw the answer with his very own eyes, his jaw was dropped immediately to the floor. He had never expected his arch-rival to somehow act like this in front of him due to one single answer.

"I don't believe it," Trebek gulped, "You want to be me when you grow up?"

"Of course," nodded Sean. "I mean, you definitely are the smartest man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting, my friend. I hope that maybe one day I'll be very more mature like that."

"Wow, I never expected that from you, Sean." nodded the host, "Deep down, I'm quite impressed. Let's see what you now wagered."

 _ **Connery's wager: Are Poopy**_

"I am poopy..." Trebek said at a loss for words.

Just to add a huge insult to injury, Sean Connery decided to become the ass like he is and started laughing at him.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, how does it feel to be number two, Trebek?" Connery smirked victoriously.

"Why must you do this to me, Sean...?" Trebek grunted at Sean.

With Connery one-upping Trebek once more, the host had no choice but to close things out in defeat.

"That's all for Celebrity Jeopardy, I'm gonna drink bleach until I die. Good night." Trebek sighed as he left the studio down in the dumps.

* * *

 **Wow, this was a total pain to finish, but I finally have it done. IT. IS. FINALLY. DONE. And after all this time too!**

 **Anyway, who will be next alongside our favorite devious Scot? You'll just have to wait until next chapter. Until then, show your feedback button some love, fellow fairy tales. BUCK FUTTER!**


	3. Ch 3: Hunter, Ashlynn and Sean Connery

**"Ever After High Celebrity Jeopardy!"  
**

 **Rated T for language**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or Ever After High. Ever After High is owned by Mattel and the respective co-authors of the EAH books, Shannon Hale or Suzanne Selfors. Anyway, after watching some Celebrity Jeopardy sketches on YouTube, I thought it would be hilarious to do an Ever After High edition of SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy! And yes, if you're asking, I will do all Ever After High characters two at a time, along with Alex Trebek's sworn enemy, Sean Connery! Anyway, here we go!  
**

 **P.S.: Some of the characters may end up a little OOC than usual, but hey, what can you expect from one of the greatest skits of Saturday Night Live and two of the greatest characters of the show. Now be forewarned that some of the characters in my fic are well... not that bright. If you all haven't seen the awesome SNL Celebrity Jeopardy skits, I recommend you check them out on either YouTube or Dailymotion. It will make you lose your crap all over. Either way, here we go!**

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Hunter Huntsman, Ashlynn Ella and Sean Connery  
**

The theme song to Celebrity Jeopardy played around the set yet again as the camera got a good look at both Hunter Huntsman, Ashlynn Ella and a very smarky Scot standing behind their podiums. Of course, standing beside them was the show's host, Alex Trebek, who looked grim like always.

"Welcome back to Ever After High Celebrity Jeopardy," Trebek sighed in distress, "Before we begin the Double Jeopardy round, I like to apologize to the Jewish community that we offended before the break. Anyway, we got quite a slobberknocker here, so let's take a look at the scores. Hunter Huntsman is in 1st place with $20. The only reason why he was given twenty dollars in the first place is because we paid him off in order to get him to quit saying 'I love boobies'."

The camera had immediately scrolled over to Hunter Huntsman, who had a sly grin plastered all around his face.

"Yep, it's all about the butts now!" The ecopunk winked at the host.

"How nice for you, Mr. Huntsman." Trebek rolled his eyes, "Ashlynn Ella is in 2nd place with -8,000."

After focusing on Hunter, the camera rolled over to his girlfriend, Ashlynn Ella, who was busy eating a Whopper from Burger King.

"I'm so glad I quit being a vegan." Ashlynn laughed with her mouth full.

"Ashlynn, we don't allow eating here." Trebek reminded her.

"Bite my ass, Trebek." The vegan said, flipping the host off.

"Alrighty then," Trebek rolled his eyes, "And finally, standing in last place with -80,000, and God help me if I can... Sean Connery."

The camera then got good look at Trebek's main nemesis, Sean Connery, who started smirking in front of the annoyed host.

"How's it hanging, Trebek?" Connery replied, "You're looking very fit today."

"Well, thanks for the compliment, Sean." Trebek nodded, feeling very surprised by Connery's comment, "After all as a man, I do manage to become very busy."

"So was I last night with your mother, Trebek!" Connery smirked with a big hearty laugh.

"You're definitely demented, you know that?" the host groaned out of disgust before reading off the categories, "Let's just move on to Double Jeopardy. The categories are: _**Potent Potables, Is Three a Number, Football Teams Named Jets, Types of Slots -**_ take note that this has to do with types of slot machines _ **, Is This Fifty Shades of Grey**_ , and finally **_Heroes Named Superman_** \- in which every answer in that category is Superman. Hunter Huntsman, since you're in the lead, it's your turn to go."

"I like to go to the strip club next door." Hunter said, pointing to the right.

"I meant to say choose a category." Trebek sighed.

"Okay, can I choose strip club?" Hunter smirked even wide.

"No, you may not." Trebek sighed again, "Ashlynn, you choose a category."

"I'll take a meat lover's pizza with crushed red pepper." Ashlynn replied at the host.

"Ashlynn, you can't order pizza in the middle of the show!" Trebek whined.

"I wasn't talking to you, idiot, I was talking to the food vendor in the audience stands!" Ashlynn said, pointing to the food vendor at the stands.

"Why in the hell do I even bother?" The host shook his head, "Mr. Connery, you choose a category."

"Ah, thanks a bunch, Trebek! I'll take **_Types of Sluts_** for $400." Connery smirked.

"Mr. Connery, that's _**Types of Slots**_ , not _**Types of Sluts**_!" Trebek corrected him before reading the clue, "Anyway, **_Types of Slots_** for $400: **A poker machine is this kind of machine.** Remember, if any of you say the word 'slot', you get points."

 ** _*BZZT!*_**

"Hunter Huntsman?" asked Trebek.

"Amy Anderssen!" Hunter guessed out. **[1]**

"Mr. Huntsman, that's wrong." Trebek shook his head, "And we're talking about slots, not sluts!"

 ** _*BZZT!*_**

"Ashlynn Ella?" Trebek asked again.

"What is-" Ashlynn guessed right before the pizza boy showed up with a Meat Lovers Pizza. "Hey, my pizza's here!"

Without no caution at all, Ashlynn dug out the money from her pocket and gave it to the delivery boy as he was giving her the pizza. After she gave the delivery boy a $20 tip, Ashlynn said with a smile, "Here you go, buy yourself something nice."

"Like I said, you can't eat in the middle of the competition." Trebek warned Ashlynn.

"You and what rules?" Ashlynn said, eating the pizza in front of the host's face.

"It's the show's-"

 _ ***BZZT!***_

"What is it, Mr. Connery?" The host sighed.

"What is your mother?" Connery smirked.

Trebek couldn't help but scowl at the response that his arch-rival gave him, much to Connery's sick enjoyment.

"No, Mr. Connery, my mother doesn't count as a slut-uh, I mean slot." Trebek corrected Sean firsthand. "Anyway, let's just forget about the answer and just go right to _**Heroes Named Superman**_ for $400. The answer is: Clark Kent is the alter-ego of this superhero. I'll give you a hint: It rhymes with Duperman."

 _ ***BZZZZT!***_

"Hunter Huntsman."

"What is Bootyman?" Huntsman guessed.

"Not even close, Hunter." Trebek shook his head.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about butts." smirked the ecovegan.

"I see." muttered the host.

 _ ***BZZT!***_

"Ashlynn Ella?"

"What is Duperman?" Ashlynn said with her mouth full.

And then, much to the host's horror, part of the cheese and tomato sauce that she was eating from her meat lovers pizza fell to the floor.

"Oh come on, you're getting it all over the floor!" Trebek whined.

"That's what your mother said last night!" Connery smirked at Trebek, laughing at the host's expense.

"Okay, that was so uncalled for, Mr. Connery." The host snarled at the scurvy Scot. "Okay, since Hunter's thinking about asses, Ashlynn's making a mess and Mr. Connery being Mr. Connery, let's just forget the whole category and go right to Final Jeopardy. And all you have to do to win is write down any type of candy."

After they were given the clue, the three contestants wasted no time writing down their answer while at the same time, the Final Jeopardy song started playing in the background.

"Remember, it can be any type of candy." Trebek reminded them, "It can be chocolate, it can be bubblegum, heck, it can even be an M&M. As long as it's a type of candy, you will win."

As soon as the Final Jeopardy song ended, all of the three contestants immediately put down the pens as Trebek immediately went to their podiums, starting with a grinning-as-fuck Hunter Huntsman.

"Okay, let's see the priceless gems these contestants have come up," Trebek sighed. "Hunter Huntsman, I don't know why you're grinning like an idiot, but let's see what you put down..."

 _ **Hunter's answer: Chocolate**_

"You wrote down chocolate, which is of course counts as a type of candy." Trebek nodded with a smile, "So despite you thinking of butts, you answered correctly. Let's see what you wagered..."

 _ **Hunter's wager: Booty**_

"And you wagered Booty." Trebek said in disbelief.

"What can I say, Trebek, I'm into the fine-ass black chicks now!" Hunter winked at the host, "And you know what they say, 'My anaconda don't want none-'"

"'Unless you got buns, hon'. Yes, I get your point." Trebek groaned while approaching Ashlynn next. "Ashlynn Ella, you're feeling proud of yourself. Let's see what you put down."

 _ **Ashlynn's answer: Burger**_

"Burger," Trebek replied, "Ashlynn, a burger doesn't count as candy."

"It does in Planet Norb!" Ashlynn exclaimed to the host.

"I don't know what you're talking about, but let's see your wager..."

 _ **Ashlynn's wager: King**_

"King. Burger King..." Trebek muttered.

"You're welcome, Alex!" Ashlynn shouted before ending her sentence with a loud BURP!

"Please excuse you, Miss Ella." the host muttered under his breath, "Well, Mr. Connery. I assume you wrote down some type of candy and you wrote..."

 _ **Connery's answer: Klondike Bar**_

"A klondike bar," Trebek replied, "Well, Sean, a klondike bar does count as candy, so just like Hunter, you too have also answered correctly."

"No problem, Alex." Connery nodded. "It was the best that I could do for you. After all, you're quite a good friend."

The host couldn't help himself but be taken aback by Connery's surprising gesture to him.

"I don't know why, but regardless what happened, I welcome the gesture." Trebek nodded.

"No prob, Trebek." Connery nodded back.

"So, with that being said, let's see what you've wagered." Trebek said as he read the wager.

 _ **Connery's wager: A picture of Trebek getting crushed by the Klondike Bar**_

Right there, Trebek's face went from an acceptable smile to a disturbed frown.

"You drew me getting crushed by the Klondike Bar," groaned the host. "Why in the hell didn't I see this coming."

Sean Connery kept on laughing like hell itself, stating to Trebek, "Of course, that was definitely right before-"

"Right before 'you had sex with my mom, Connery'. Yeah, I get it." Trebek nodded in distaste before focusing to the camera, "Well, that's all for Celebrity Jeopardy, I'm gonna take a bath with the toaster on. Good day."

Once again, Alex Trebek had left the studio in defeat, leaving Hunter Huntsman to read a blacks-only adult magazine, Ashlynn eating her pizza and Sean Connery laughing at the host's face like always.

* * *

 **[1] - For those who don't know, Amy Anderssen is a adult film star in her native Canada. Don't ask how I really know that. LOL**

 **I hope this leaves a smile to all of your faces. Yes, I do amaze myself, don't I?**

 **Which two contestants do you wanna see next alongside that bearded Scot himself, Sean Connery? The Trebek-bashing craziness will continue next chapter, so don't be afraid to show your feedback button some love! Until next time, BUCK FUTTER!**


	4. Ch 4: Sparrow, Blondie and Sean Connery

**"Ever After High Celebrity Jeopardy!"  
**

 **Rated T for language**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Saturday Night Live, the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches or Ever After High. Ever After High is owned by Mattel and the respective co-authors of the EAH books, Shannon Hale or Suzanne Selfors. Anyway, after watching some Celebrity Jeopardy sketches on YouTube, I thought it would be hilarious to do an Ever After High edition of SNL's Celebrity Jeopardy! And yes, if you're asking, I will do all Ever After High characters two at a time, along with Alex Trebek's sworn enemy, Sean Connery! Anyway, here we go!  
**

 **P.S.: Some of the characters may end up a little OOC than usual, but hey, what can you expect from one of the greatest skits of Saturday Night Live and two of the greatest characters of the show. Now be forewarned that some of the characters in my fic are well... not that bright. If you all haven't seen the awesome SNL Celebrity Jeopardy skits, I recommend you check them out on either YouTube or Dailymotion. It will make you lose your crap all over. Either way, here we go!**

* * *

 **Chapter 4: Sparrow Hood, Blondie Lockes and Sean Connery  
**

The Celebrity Jeopardy theme played once again as the host of the show, Alex Trebek, appeared alongside both Sparrow Hood, Blondie Lockes and a certain Scot. Knowing how much this was gonna end bad, Trebek licked his wounds already and started the show off grimly.

"And welcome back to Ever After High Celebrity Jeopardy," Trebek sighed in distress, "If you're watching this right now, I will tell you right to your face that what you will see next will rob you of your innocence and childhood. With that said, let's take a look at our scores. In 1st place with $5 is Sparrow Hood."

The camera had gotten a good look at Sparrow Hood, who had his guitar in hand, ready to play his tune much to the host's chagrin.

"It is good to be heeeeeeeeeeeere!" Sparrow Hood shouted while screeching his guitar.

"Yeah, it sure is, Sparrow." Trebek rolled his eyes, "And not to mention my already bleeding eardrums. In 2nd place with -50,000 is Blondie Lockes. We had to deduct points from her, all because she wouldn't shut the hell up."

The camera then scrolled right over to Blondie Lockes, who had Cedar Wood standing aside her holding her MirrorPad as if she was filiming an episode of Just Right, Blondie's TV's show. As the record button was lit up, Blondie started to speak with a bear-shaped microphone.

"Hello everyone, this is Blondie Lockes reporting from Celebrity Jeopardy!" The bubbly reporter said to the camera. "Right now, Sparrow's in the lead, I'm dumb as a box of rocks and sooner or later, Alex Trebek's ears will bleed to death! All coming in this special episode of Just Right! Remember, if it's not hot or cold, it's just right!"

"How excruciating of you to say that, Miss Lockes." Trebek told her before sighing grimly at the next contestant standing aside Blondie, "And last but least, in 3rd place with a score of negative god-knows-what... Sean Connery."

Much to Trebek's distaste, the camera scrolled over to Trebek's arch-rival, Sean Connery, who smiled like the devious Scot that he was.

"We meet once again, you paper-moustached bastard." Connery replied.

"I don't want to hear about it, Mr. Connery." Trebek sighed, not having to deal with Connery's bullcrap again.

"Oooh, so you like it quiet, huh Trebek?" Connery raised his eyebrow. "Well, I wouldn't blame ya, your mother likes it loud and nasty."

"See, that's just what I'm talking about." Trebek rolled his eyes, "Anyway, here are the categories for Double Jeopardy. They are: _**Potent Potables, Are You Deaf, Stanley Cup -**_ which is about NHL's biggest event _ **, Drink Water**_ _ **, Goldilocks and the Blank Bears**_ , and finally _**Famous Robin Hoods**_ \- and I will give you a big hint: There is only one. Sparrow Hood, since you're more of a nuisance than Mr. Connery, it's your turn to go."

"I'll take **_Sparrow Hood Is So Awesome_** for ten thousaaaaaaaaaaaaand!" Sparrow screeched with his guitar, hurting Trebek's ears once more.

"Ow, my bleeding ears!" Trebek groaned while plugging his ears. "You know what, that was a mistake. Blondie Lockes, you go this time."

Once again, Blondie Lockes had paid no attention to the host, therefore having to talk to the camera instead.

"This just in, Sparrow Hood just managed to break the sound barrier around Trebek's entire head!" Blondie said to everyone watching at home, "Let me tell you something, he's just proven himself once again to become Ever After High's most rowdy rocker! And that my friends is just right!"

"And yet, I'm invisible." Trebek whined, "You know what, let's just go to _**Goldilocks and the Blank Bears**_ for $400. The answer is: _**The number three is how many bears there are in Goldilocks.**_ Remember, if you all say 'three', you get the points. Blondie Lockes, you might wanna guess this."

 _ ***BZZT!***_

"Sparrow Hood?"

"That's easy, it's zero!" guessed Sparrow.

"No Sparrow, it's not." Trebek groaned.

"But blank usually means zero, right?" Sparrow replied with wonder.

"That's how many times Trebek can't get laid." Connery smirked at Sparrow, who exchanged laughter with each other.

"Don't make fun of my sex life, Mr. Connery." growled the host.

 _ ***BZZT!***_

"Blondie Lockes, will you like to say the word _three_?" asked Trebek.

Yet once again, she didn't pay any attention to the host. Just like last time, Blondie ended up speaking to the mirrorpad once more.

"This just in, old crusted-up game show host with no sex life at all just asked me to say a word I can't quite remember what to say! What thrilling details I must share with you right now!" Blondie replied to Cedar, who was of course, holding it like a camera.

But before she could say anything else, the buzzer rang out.

"Not even close, Blondie." Trebek sighed disappointingly, "The correct answer was three."

"The same number of times it took for me to do your mother last night." Connery smirked.

Trebek couldn't help but scowl at that open-handed comment made by his arch-nemesis. Just the way he was laughing about his mom jokes made Trebek wanna punch him in the mouth. But since he couldn't knowing he was on a game show, he just decided to take it like a man.

"I hate you so much, Mr. Connery." Trebek shook his head, "Look, why don't you pick another category and get it over with."

"Ah, maybe I will, Trebek." nodded Connery, "I'll take _**Stanley Sees You Pee**_ for $800."

"Mr. Connery, it's Stanley Cup, not Stanley Sees You Pee!" the host corrected him.

"No, it's not, it's Stanley Sees You Pee!" Connery corrected back, before getting out of his podium to head over to the board.

"Mr. Connery, where in the hell are you going?" Trebek asked him.

After he got a ladder from backstage, Sean started climbing up to the board to point at the word under 'Stanley'.

"See right there, Trebek? **C** 's **U** **P** ee!" Connery smirked.

"This has nothing to do with bodily fluids!" Trebek reminded him.

 _ ***BZZT!***_

"What the hell is it, Sparrow Hood?" Trebek groaned.

"Did you just admit that Stanley saw you pee?" Sparrow said to the host.

"No, I did not!" cried out Trebek.

Hearing this from the host, Blondie Lockes suddenly went to her mirrorpad that Cedar Wood was holding and spoke into it.

"Ladies and gentleman, this is just breaking news! Trebek just admitted that a man named Stanley watches him pee, even if he doesn't want to admit it's true!" Blondie exclaimed.

"Like I said, it's- never mind, let's just forget the whole entire category and just go right to Final Jeopardy so I can be done with this bullcrap and get rid of all of you three for pissing me off! And there is no category, all you have to do to win is to write down any type of weapon. Write. NOW!"

Hearing the anger in Trebek's words, both Sparrow, Blondie and Sean Connery grabbed their pens immediately and starting writing down their answers and wagers altogether while the host picked himself up and gave them advice while the Final Jeopardy theme played.

"Remember, it can be any kind of weapon," Trebek told them, "It can be a knife, or sword, heck you can even bring me a gun so I can shoot myself for being stuck in this hellhole. Any kind of weapon that you want."

The three then put their pens away as the theme faded away slowly, forcing Trebek to check their answers and wagers. And it all started with Sparrow Hood, whom the host approached.

"Well, now that I'm being calm and collected as ever, let's check out Sparrow Hood's answer." Trebek calmly sighed, "He wrote down..."

 _ **Sparrow's answer: Sparrow**_

"Sparrow wrote down sparrow, of course." Trebek nodded, "That of course, counts as a weapon since I know that Sparrows are dangerous pecking birds. So, in a strange way, you got it right, Sparrow."

"Of course, I diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid!" Sparrow said, screeching his guitar again.

"Ow, my frickin' ears!" Trebek replied, plugging his ears in safety of Sparrow's screeching guitar. After the sound went away, Trebek removed his hands through his ears and continued with, "Anyway, let's see what you wagered."

 _ **Sparrow's wager: Is #1**_

"Is number one. Sparrow... is... number... one." Trebek muttered slowly.

"That's true, you know." Sparrow told the host.

"In some cases, not really." Trebek shook his head before approaching Blondie, "Blondie Lockes is grinning like some kind of idiot here. Maybe she also had the right answer."

 _ **Blondie's answer: Just**_

"Blondie put down the word _just_." Trebek groaned, "And let me guess, she wagered the word _right_?"

 **Blondie's wager: Right**

"I frickin' knew it." Trebek groaned again, "How retarded of you to actually guess."

"And there you have it, folks!" Blondie said to the mirrorpad, "It looks like our favorite spermstachioed host is now being clueless of the clues and answers we've totally been given to him. Needless to say, I failed as a game show contestant. Tune in tomorrow where I get the full scoop on Daring Charming's sex tape between himself, Apple White, Cerise Hood and Lizzie Hearts, all to be revealed in a shocking episode of everyone's favorite gossip show, Just-"

Before she could finish that word, Trebek cut her off by grabbing the mirrorpad off of Cedar Wood's hands and smashing it all across the podium, breaking it in pieces. After that was done, the host picked up the broken pieces of Blondie's mirrorpad and gave it to the shocked bubbly blonde herself.

"Don't you ever come near my studio ever again," Trebek warned Blondie before finally approaching his least favorite contestant of the three, "Okay, Mr. Connery, let's just get this over with. You wrote down..."

 _ **Connery's answer: A gun**_

"My goodness, you drew a weapon, which is practically a gun." Trebek gasped. "I'm surprised you got the right answer."

"Well, I have to apologize for having to trash you all throughout the show," Connery said, feigning some award-winning compassion for the host. "I gotta say, despite me having such a hard time, I really enjoying having fun with you, Alex."

Hearing this response from Connery actually made Trebek smile from all the carnage for once.

"Well, I'm surprised to hear that coming from you, Mr. Connery." the host smiled.

"It's the best that I could do for you, Trebek." Connery smiled back.

"Now that's said and done for now, let's see what you put down, Sean." Trebek said as he read the wager.

 **Connery's wager: A picture of Trebek's casket with bullet holes in them.**

Once he saw that, Trebek's face went from happiness to defeated in a matter of seconds.

"You drew me getting shot in my grave." The host grumbled.

"That's when you've turned a zombie." Connery informed him, "Impressive artwork, huh?"

"Yeah, you're a real piece of art, Mr. Connery," Trebek sighed before facing the camera, "Well, that's all-"

Before Trebek could finish that line, however...

 _"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

Sparrow came in and screamed out a guitar chord, bleeding Trebek's eardrums completely.

"Ah, what the hell, Sparrow?!" The host said to the guitarist.

"Sorry, just wanted to do that, bra." Sparrow smirked.

"You're banned just like Blondie is," Trebek said to Sparrow before closing things out to the camera, "That's it for Jeopardy, all of you can bite my ass. Good day."

And just like that, the host left the Jeopardy set in total defeat while Connery kept on laughing at the host's misery.

* * *

 **Well, Sparrow definitely knows how to push Trebek's buttons for sure. That's why Sparrow is so frickin' awesome like that.**

 **So, now that's finally done and out of the way, which two contestants you wanna see next alongside Trebek's arch nemesis, Sean Connery? More Trebek-trashing fun will continue next chapter, so stay tuned! Peace for now, my gangstas!**


End file.
